


The One Where Kurt Needs His Own Place and texts Blaine a Lot

by KillerQueen80



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-11
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 12:31:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen80/pseuds/KillerQueen80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living with newlyweds is stressful. Especially these newlyweds</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Kurt Needs His Own Place and texts Blaine a Lot

(9:00 am) From Kurt:  
Explain to me again why I decided to live with a married couple?

(9:15am) From Blaine:  
Because you said you’d rather live with and hate two people you love than live with and hate a stranger. What did they do this time?

(9:17am) From Kurt:  
Do you remember everything i say verbatim or only the things that are fun to rub in my face?

(9:20 am) From Blaine:  
Only the things that are fun to rub in your face, of course. What happened? Were they having loud sex again?

(9:35am) From Kurt:  
Are you trying to make me throw up my breakfast? I thought we agreed to never speak of that incident again. No. They’re fighting. Finn apparently, forgot to tell his employer that he’s married. So now it’s going to take three months until her can add Rachel to his benefits. Apparently, Rachel would like to see a dermatologist, for what I have no clue, she’s got amazing skin. But anyway, they were screaming about it at 7:00 this morning. I mean, I get it, it’s a big deal, but not a 7am big deal.

(9:37 am) From Blaine:  
How could her forget that though? That’s a huge deal, Kurt. I would have been upset too.

(9:42am) From Kurt:  
No, I get it, it was a ridiculously irresponsible thing to do. But that’s what happens when you marry a guy who still needed notes safety pinned to his shirt in high school. That happened. We had a field trip and Ms. Hagbert made Finn safety pin the trip slip to his shirt.

(9:47am) From Blaine:  
Hahahahaha! So what happened?

(9:50am) From Kurt:  
Rachel storms in my room, sobbing. Going on about how she’ll never be able to get auditions if she can’t see a dermotologist, because she has a pimple, Blaine. One. Pimple. Why can’t see just hit up a proactiv kiosk like a normal person. I can’t imagine what the copay for a dermotologist would be. And if Finn’s only got some shitty HMO, they may not even approve it. Or make them pay out of pocket. Are they crazy? Did Finn learn nothing from Dad and Carole? They’re still dealing with the insurance company from my Dad’s heart attack and how long ago was that?

(10:00am) From Blaine:  
My parents still won’t let me forget how much my eye surgery cost them. And we have awesome insurance. What did you say to her?

(10:05am) From Kurt:  
I kicked her out of my room, told her that she’s married now and she needs to go talk to her husband. Then she just cried some more and told me I was a sucky friend. Sigh. I refuse to get sucked into their crap. I spent too much time involved in their melodrama, they’re married now, I’m not in it.

(10:07am) From Blaine:  
You did the right thing. They shouldn’t be involving you, you have your own problems to deal with.

(10:09am) From Kurt:  
Exactly. It’s time for my daily lament of “I can’t wait until you move to NY and we can get our own place”. Outside of the song I’m doing for my class, this is the song I sing the most.

(10:10am) From Blaine:  
I miss you too. You should know that Tina and Artie have learned all the words to the “I miss Kurt blues” and they’re teaching it to Brad. Anyway, I hate to do this, but I gotta go, going to the gym with Cooper. I love you.

(10:11am) From Kurt:  
Love you too. Don’t work too hard.

***************

(12:51am) From Kurt:  
Blaine, I can’t do this. I need to move out. Is it too soon to get a dorm room?

(1:07am)From Blaine:  
What happened now?

(1:08am) From Kurt:  
Did I wake you?

(1:09am) From Blaine:  
It’s fine, what happened?

(1:11am) From Kurt:  
Rachel got her period. She bled through her pjs. Finn is freaking out. They’ve been sexually active for how long? Does he not know that this is a thing? He was raised by a single mother, there’s no way this is the first time learning about periods.

(1:13am) From Blaine:  
….. That’s horrible. Poor Rachel. She must be feeling so gross right now. And blood is really hard to get out of some fabrics.

(1:14am) From Kurt:  
I know I say this everytime it comes up, but I hate that you ever had to learn how to get blood out of clothes. But no, she’s miserable, and cramping, and she’s already weepy when she’s on her period, but Finn kicked her out of bed, and she’s upset. She’s asleep in my bed right now. She cried herself to sleep Blaine. Finn is on my shit list tonight.

(1:15am) From Blaine:  
For once, I’m sure you’re glad you’re there for her.

(1:17am) From Kurt:  
I am. For once. I’ve dealt with many a Rachel period, I know what tampons she uses. This is nothing, he should have asked her how she was feeling, offered to run her a bath and then put stain remover on those pjs. I’m a better husband that him.

(1:25am) From Blaine:  
Sorry, fell asleep. You’re an amazing husband.

(1:26am) From Kurt:

 

(1:30am) From Blaine:  
Um, I meant you’ll be an amazing husband. Someday. In the far off future. Did I mention I’m half asleep?

(1:33am) From Kurt:  
You’re an amazing husband too. Go to sleep, dear.

 

**************

(10:15am) From Kurt  
Finn is disgusting. He has skid marks in his underwear. Rachel vomited. I wish I didn’t know this.

(10:17am) From Blaine  
Hahahahahahahahaha! I will NEVER stop laughing. You should know Tina saw this text.

(10:19am) From Blaine (and Tina)  
Kurt, this is Tina, tell Finn to wipe his ass if he ever wants to get laid again.

******************  
(2:22pm) From Kurt  
Rachel has been throwing up for two days. She thinks she’s pregnant. I’m moving back to Ohio.

(2:30pm) From Blaine:  
Oh. God. NO. 

*********************

(5:17pm) From Kurt:  
False alarm, she was just anxious about an assignment. I made her take 17 pregnancy tests.

(5:18pm) From Kurt:  
Then I gave her all my condoms and we have an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get her on the pill.

(5:19pm) From Kurt:  
I know i said I wouldn’t get involved in their marriage but this is where I draw the line. I am too young to be an uncle, and knowing them I’d have to raise this child. If I’m going to raise a child that isn’t mine, it’s going to be one we adopt from a tropical country of our choosing when we’re rich and famous.

(5: 25) From Blaine:  
I’d like to thank God and also Jesus.

(5:26pm) From Blaine:  
Adopt? I was going to ask Rachel to be our surrogate.

(5:28pm) From Kurt:  
Hell no. That’s just too incestuous, especially from this little group. I hate to say this, but if we have a kid, with Rachel as surrogate, I can’t even imagine how that child would turn out.The three of us are too much. We can’t mix our genes. That kid won’t stand a chance. There’s a such thing as too fabulous.

(5:30pm) From Blaine:  
And here I thought you were going to say the kid would be too short.

(5:31pm) From Kurt:  
What? You’re not that short. You’re the perfect height. It’s like you were built for me.

(5:32pm) From Blaine:  
Your missing puzzle piece.

(5:34pm) From Kurt:  
I’m complete.

(5:35pm) From Blaine:  
Wow, that was cheesy. Even for us that was cheesy.


End file.
